Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Breaking the mold...

ok, that's it. I don't fit.
I'm not talking about my clothes here, people. I mean ME. I don't fit. And I must admit, at first, this was a very aggravating part of life.
I got married and put on the 'married hat' and behaved accordingly- I baked and cooked and learned to sew. And then when I had children I put on the 'mommy hat' and organized baby toys and tried to be like all the other moms by packing sippy cups and extra 'big boys' or 'big girls' and there was an entire 'baby arsenal' in the back of my car. NO MORE.
I'm taking the damn hats off, girls, so stand back.
Here's something interesting: Melissa hates to bake. It's a big pain in the neck and I only ever want to do it again if I'm baking for something special, like a friends birthday. It does not give me any joy unless someone else will enjoy it. That's it. I am SO going back to refrigerated cookie dough. NEXT...

Melissa's house is MESSY. I don't mean a little messy- I mean, laundry on the couch, dust on the tables and very often, a sticky kitchen floor. I refuse to care about this anymore. I mean, I'll clean up for company, but it's time to obliterate the myth that I'm tidy and homey. That couldn't be farther from the truth.

Also- Melissa is addicted to puppies. I'd like to tell you that I have 4,000,000 pictures of my kids on my computer- but alas, that would be a big fat lie. No, I have pictures of my dogs on my computer. Granted, some of them are there for advertising reasons- but not all of them. Futhermore, the dog/child picture ratio is unmistakably askew. It's something I intend to work on. I realize the dogs will not matter in a decade or so and I might very well be missing a lot of my childrens photo ops- I get it. No need to tell me. Moving on...

Melissa has retired the 'Christian hat' as well. Now, before you go into cardiac arrest- let me clarify. You should know that at least half of the person I was previously, was totally FAKE, including the "I'll pray for you" line, the "The Lord knows What He's Doing" line and the "God's Got A Plan" line. Those are Christian-isms and I refuse to say them. I want to be the kind of Christian who's honest and can still relate to the rest of the world. No more hokey one-liners to cover over the fact that I don't know what I'm doing, where I'm going or what's going to happen when I get there.
The truth is that I'm totally screwed up and I'm not sorry.

You know, I think that at some point we are all sparked by something that makes us re-evaluate what we believe and who we are. I may not fit into the mold of 'good mommy or good wife' any longer- but I have to tell you, I like myself more now than ever before and feel as if my life has finally exhaled. And the gift I hope I will be able to give my children is that of authenticity, something that no amount of my falsified perfection could have offered.
For those of you who liked my peanut butter cookies and cheesecake, sorry for any disappointment. I'll give you the recipe- and I will be enthusiastically happy to come and eat it with you ;p


kristinab said...

thoughts from C.S. Lewis

Pg 124 Mere Christianity

"How is it that people who are quite obviously eaten up with Pride can say they belive in God and appear to themselves very religious? I am afraid it means they are worshipping an imaginary God. They theoretically admit themselves to be nothing in the presence of this phantom God, but are really all the time imagining how He approves of them and thinks them far better than ordinary people: that is, they pay a pennyworth of imaginary humility to Him and get out of it a pound's worth of Pride towards their fellow-men..."

anyway...I think you are awesome. How boring to be the type that only speaks what we think others want us to say. I hate to cook and clean...so I really like you more now...except I am hoping you will get over the cheesecake thing by my birthday in December.

I don't like dogs or kids...maybe I am joking?? We'll find out in 13 years when I kick them all out.

If I say "I am praying for you" I will do it. I know that is not the case for all the little nice things we try and say...but don't plan on doing. Anyway...again I am praying that you will get your personal relationship with Christ...knowone elses...just yours...
But I am only going to pray that this week...not next...unless I decide to...

Keep your heart authentic because I KNOW THAT IS HOW GOD MADE YOU...and me


meliken said...

I love REAL friendship. You know how screwed up I am and like me more for it. And I'm sure I can be conned into making a cheesecake for your birthday ;p But we have to take it down to the river and eat it in the car where no children or husbands can find us.

Chelsea said...

Whewwwww, I guess I can relax around you now! I feel like I know you so much better and like you so much more now (ha ha)!

Absolutely, be who YOU are so you can find out who YOU were made to be. Then maybe you can help me figure out who I am supposed to be when I grow up (if I grow up)! Just don't tell me you HATE weeding/coffee/wine or I will be really sad! :)

Anyway, I love your honesty and totally support you in your decision to be "Authentically You".

XOXO Chelsea

meliken said...

I will always LOVE weeding, coffee and wine.
Secondly, if you grow up I'll have to stop being friends with you. So DON'T do it :) We can be irresponsible work-skipping, wine drinking children together.

Anonymous said...

oh, perfect people are such insufferable company, aren't they? i much prefer the hopelessly weird, the jolly alcoholics, the pathologically artistic. they're just so much more interesting than people who spend all their time cultivating perfection. how would you find time for anything else? me, it would take all day just to cover up the mistakes i made before breakfast.

i never was a dab hand at baking, but i find cooking to be a much more forgiving science. and i am getting better at baking as time goes by and i decide that the offerings at the grocery store aren't tasty enough to justify the effort chewing. honestly, those bakery cakes are like eating a towel; no taste at all. and the frosting is inexcusable; what is it, crisco and powdered sugar?? occasionally with food coloring. NO THANKS. so i do have to get better at baking if i want treats that live up to my standard, but i don't have to expend a lot of effort doing it, necessarily. jess found a really excellent crazy cake recipe that is so simple that even *i* would have to work hard to screw it up. it's moist and tasty, too, so you know what i'll be bringing to the next potluck. ha!

Jessica said...

Silly girl! Who told you you had to wear all those hats? Oh right, only EVERYONE. LOL I think what you're going through is so normal and necessary. Um, like it or not, I think you *are* growing up. *wink*

meliken said...

Thanks a lot, Jessica:P But seriously, I think you're right. Now I'm waiting to figure out what I'm supposed to be when I grow up...no idea's yet. You're welcome to offer suggestions :)