ok, that's it. I don't fit.
I'm not talking about my clothes here, people. I mean ME. I don't fit. And I must admit, at first, this was a very aggravating part of life.
I got married and put on the 'married hat' and behaved accordingly- I baked and cooked and learned to sew. And then when I had children I put on the 'mommy hat' and organized baby toys and tried to be like all the other moms by packing sippy cups and extra 'big boys' or 'big girls' and there was an entire 'baby arsenal' in the back of my car. NO MORE.
I'm taking the damn hats off, girls, so stand back.
Here's something interesting: Melissa hates to bake. It's a big pain in the neck and I only ever want to do it again if I'm baking for something special, like a friends birthday. It does not give me any joy unless someone else will enjoy it. That's it. I am SO going back to refrigerated cookie dough. NEXT...
Melissa's house is MESSY. I don't mean a little messy- I mean, laundry on the couch, dust on the tables and very often, a sticky kitchen floor. I refuse to care about this anymore. I mean, I'll clean up for company, but it's time to obliterate the myth that I'm tidy and homey. That couldn't be farther from the truth.
Also- Melissa is addicted to puppies. I'd like to tell you that I have 4,000,000 pictures of my kids on my computer- but alas, that would be a big fat lie. No, I have pictures of my dogs on my computer. Granted, some of them are there for advertising reasons- but not all of them. Futhermore, the dog/child picture ratio is unmistakably askew. It's something I intend to work on. I realize the dogs will not matter in a decade or so and I might very well be missing a lot of my childrens photo ops- I get it. No need to tell me. Moving on...
Melissa has retired the 'Christian hat' as well. Now, before you go into cardiac arrest- let me clarify. You should know that at least half of the person I was previously, was totally FAKE, including the "I'll pray for you" line, the "The Lord knows What He's Doing" line and the "God's Got A Plan" line. Those are Christian-isms and I refuse to say them. I want to be the kind of Christian who's honest and can still relate to the rest of the world. No more hokey one-liners to cover over the fact that I don't know what I'm doing, where I'm going or what's going to happen when I get there.
The truth is that I'm totally screwed up and I'm not sorry.
You know, I think that at some point we are all sparked by something that makes us re-evaluate what we believe and who we are. I may not fit into the mold of 'good mommy or good wife' any longer- but I have to tell you, I like myself more now than ever before and feel as if my life has finally exhaled. And the gift I hope I will be able to give my children is that of authenticity, something that no amount of my falsified perfection could have offered.
For those of you who liked my peanut butter cookies and cheesecake, sorry for any disappointment. I'll give you the recipe- and I will be enthusiastically happy to come and eat it with you ;p